Sunday, June 15, 2014

first father's day

watching the beach bonfire

Luka's first night with us

Saturday, May 17, 2014

spring 2014

We planted five maple trees in the yard today. Eric, Luka and I. A three-day weekend in front of us. The sun hung on a little longer than predicted for our sake. 

We needed it. I've been working longer and more often of late to help cover for someone who doesn't get to hold a little baby in her arms. Someone who fought as hard, wanting a baby, but didn't get the chance. Life indeed is temperamental. Tragic. I will hold Luka even closer.

I aim to keep this blog going. At least photos, so you can all see our beautiful baby grow up.

our first Mother's Day

one block from my work

home with the horses

first Easter!

Monday, February 24, 2014

moss forest

Luka walked yesterday for the first time. On wood floors, in a room warmed by a wood stove, with grandma and grandpa watching. We're in Oregon and it's winter here. Luka doesn't seem to mind, though he's woken to cold hands in the night, and probably more parts, as he is used to kicking the blankets off. He has met many kitties, ponies, horses, dogs of all sizes, rabbits, and parrots. He digs them. We run the dogs in the woods. He holds a piece of moss in his hand as we duck branches and dodge overhangs. We show him the fast flowing river telling the story of the snow and windstorms we missed this winter. 

It all feels so good. Eric is home full-time, we have a focus, the family as a whole has a new focus - the grandparents ecstatic -the future is exciting and renewed. Life is almost easier than when I tended it alone. Satiated. 

I am appreciative of the comforts I do have. I play more, dance more, laugh more with Luka here. I play guitar again. I cook better foods and eat better, at the table, with my family. Plain old happy. Nothing could be better. A good friend Rae once said, Having a child was the best thing she ever did. I've never forgotten her sentiment. 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Wednesday, February 19, 2014


We are home. With a printer. A fridge. I can fine tune my hunger with, what am I actually craving? Fine tune instruments of writing, pen, pencil, highlighter? Shoes for the rain, mud, comfort? Though equally enjoying how satiated I feel without doughnuts at work, going outside in the rain. Home.

Luka is adapting well. It seems as long as there is someone to witness his charm, he seems pretty satisfied. Sleep is all over the place but so it is for us as well. Plow through until the rhythm of our daily life is found.

Note: buy the child his own seat the next time we fly.

I will reflect more later. New life has begun and there are chores to do before I head to work. Before the children of the world wake.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

wax prints

US immigration visa granted and in hand. DONE. We can now fly to Zanzibar AND the United States. In celebration, in typical American fashion, we went shopping!

I take it back, Africa has crafts. They have fabric. Mountains of it, deep inside the basement of a building selling electronics, there are stacks and stacks of wax print and batik and whatever, with nine women in a 6ft wide closet/corridor (x infinity) sewing, selling, chatting. The ladies were all a little surprised to see us get whisked in by their street detective (scouting out muzungas) whose thumb was held by a small baby boy strapped to the bosom of his white mama and papa.

Then the show began. You like this? How about this one? Red? Blue? No. No. Yes. That one's pretty, keep that aside. OK maybe green. I love that! No.No. Making piles of fabrics, everyone smiling. Luka whisked off to the nearest mami, and absolutely loving the energy and attention. Anything Ugandan? Try these (more batiks). We negotiated. Back and forth. Thank you! We went a little crazy. Dear America, your fabrics kinda suck.

But your army boys gave me a little burst of warm nostalgia today. I saw three leaving the embassy. In the few visits we have had there, everyone has been Ugandan. The guards, reception, intake officers. Only the final counsel on whether Luka was technically an orphan was performed by an American. Then I saw them. I envisioned the three of them meeting for a beer in some opegn air tavern here, or going home to their American families, renting a house here in Uganda for a two year stint, having BBQs as usual. Home, familiarity, nationality is a palpable emotion and at times we are all subject to it. I KNOW YOUR TENNESSEE I almost shouted. But luckily Luka was escaping my grasp and crawling off in the dirt. In our time with him he has really gone from a baby to a toddler.

Everyday is something new: today he made new noises with his cheeks (grinding teeth? Crunching cheek muscle?); demanded to walk all over the driveway (which is strewn with tiny painful pebbles); and I swear he looked up at that hawk sitting on the electric pole during breakfast, pointed and said, Bird!

Tomorrow we head to Luwero, the district our son was born in. Better charge all devices including ourselves. Good night, and it is, a very good night.

Monday, February 10, 2014


Whenever the good news hits, it is rarely expressed as dancing and hysterical laughter. When the opposite happens, when I've been whipped around, am tense, angry, I have all the tools to express it. But happiness, this long-awaited relief, this lack of anger, is more like staring up Mount Denali. This monumental, word-depriving view, the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. It belittles 'amazing', 'awesome' and even 'beautiful'. So is this moment today. Waking up in the middle of the night not to a toddler screaming for milk, but one that smiles and scurries up into my belly and reaches his arms for me and lays his naked skin on mine. Two who have become attached in this hard world. Against many odds.

Yes, emphatically, I would do this all over again. And I would do vet school again too. These processes are small headaches (migraines) compared to the years ahead of us of living our dreams. Because difficult things, if you want them, are worth it. They are worth the gamble.

We will pick up a big fat packet of paperwork in two days from the embassy. With that packet we are allowed to fly out of Uganda and enter America. The following day we are going to Luka's village and having lunch with his birth family. This is very cool but sort of frightening as well. We don't speak their language and we'll need an interpreter. And one wonders what appropriate cultural behavior is. From table manners to clean up to should we bring gifts? Pay for lunch? What will our future relations be? How can we send photos without a mail system or email? Will there be any weird expectations on us to support them? On Luka in the future?

Then we'll head out early to Entebbe, the town south of us an hour's drive, on the lake, near the airport. We will stay at a place on the beach within walking distance of the botanical garden and maybe the zoo/rehab facility. Kampala doesn't have accessible beaches. There are docks to launch your boat from but not a people's beach. Here we will relax, for the first time, as tourists. A family of tourists.